Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
