What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
we're so committed to being not committed
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
