You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
When did angry sex become our thing?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
