just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
