Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
