You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
