guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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