Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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