yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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