We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
