Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
