As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
