Your tits are I can't wait for
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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