I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
