she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
