So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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