Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
