why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
