There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
