I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize