the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
