there was a trapeze. enough said
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
