May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize