Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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