I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I have aggressive nipples.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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