just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
