Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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