Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
