so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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