u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
false alarm. still invincible.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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