Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
