I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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