Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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