That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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