As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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