You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It was confusing and full of hummus
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
