One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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