sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
