She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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