ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
How does it feel to date your dad?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
