my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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