and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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