What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
