She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
