walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
