so explain again why im purple
no
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
