I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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