He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
