Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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