hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Pants are for mortals
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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