I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
