Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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