My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
