Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
love makes seman taste better
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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