I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize