So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
4 words: hood of his car
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
