Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
