the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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