Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
