Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you would pick up someone in the library
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
