Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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