It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
