you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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