Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
