why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
