Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
