um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
