i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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