You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
