Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
