She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
