I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
