everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
