Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize