Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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