no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
