Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
