so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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