Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
