My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just found puke in my bra..
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
why is half of my head shaved?
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