is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
