Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
