Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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