in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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