I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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