I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
