I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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