Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
