I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
