So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
