That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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