Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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