I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
