Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
