I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
