I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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