I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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